Last week my new principal called me and asked me if I'd be willing to work full-time next year. I knew he was going to ask me to do this so I had mentally prepared myself. This was the most difficult decision we've ever made. Is this the blessing we've been praying for? What is best for my family? Who will watch our Logan? Will Logan resent me? After lots of tears and prayers, I decided to go back to work full-time. Jared needs help supporting our little family. His work has been really slow and money has been super tight. My struggles: 1. I feel SO GUILTY for leaving Logan, 2. Paying a babysitter, 3. I know, I know, a mother's place is in the HOME, but that's not my reality, 4. I'll be away from my Logan everyday instead of every other day, 5. Why do women have to face this issue? 6. I would love to work from home, 7. I'll be so tired after work that I will have a hard time fulfilling my church calling, 8. I'm so jealous and almost bitter towards stay-at-home moms. If you have the privilege of being a stay-at-home mother, please count your blessings.
My bright side: I love my job and I'm a dang good at it. I'm home at 3:00. I have my weekends and summers off. I have great benefits. I'll be able to financially support my family. When Jared's work finally picks up, we'll have money to put towards debt and savings.
Please add to my "bright side" list with your comments. :)
5 comments:
Think of all the kids you will be helping. There will be so many kids that need to hear what you say and what an inspiration you can be to them. And remember that this may not last forever. We never know what Heavenly Father has in store for us!
April, I'm sorry this is a dilemma you are having to deal with. The one thing that I do know is that Heavenly Father always knows what's best for us and what the future holds. It may seem hard right now, but you will be able to accomplish all you need to and I know He'll give you the energy to fulfill callings and still be a wonderful mother. And like Janae said, this may not last forever. Good luck, you're in my prayers, and I love you!
Disclaimer: not a typical LDS mom comment.
BUT I was sad that after I gave birth I couldn't just quit my job. I kept working full time, even after my second child.
At first the guilt was consuming. But then I noticed something... I think it was helping me value my time with my children more. Because when I am with them, I know my time is limited so I try and make the most of it instead of just plugging along.
Don't get me wrong. I would stay home in a heartbeat, but working is not horrible either. And your little one will only come to know others better (depending on who is watching them).
My little ones love being in daycare and playing with all the other kids, they are learning to be social. At the daycare my kids are at they have music time, art time, play time, sleep time, reading/book time, EVERY day. They have different learning themes each week too.
I feel blessed that even though I can't stay home, it's probably not the most horrible thing for my kids to get more out of their days than I think I could do. (I am not speaking for everyone of course, I just don't see myself being that ambitious each day).
Sorry it probably doesn't make much sense, but I just wanted to reassure you that working full time is not horrible and it is TOTALLY awesome that you will be done by 3 and then have summers off! You will still have PLENTY of time to focus on your family and even have time for church callings!
You don't know me, but I have 2 cents to add. (I work with Darla, saw your comment on her blog, and jumped over to see what her comment was.)
Just a little background: I was close to getting my degree in engineering when I met my husband. He finished putting me through school so that I could put him through. Of course, just as he started, we wanted to start our family. My daughter just turned 1. Working full time is the hardest decision I have ever made...but we just can't do without it right now.
I echo every one of your thoughts that you listed as struggles. I think it helps to know that your not alone. Darla has given me some great thoughts when I am down most. I agree with her comment 100%, especially about how it makes her value her time with her children more. I value all the time I have at home more. When I am blessed to be able to stay home with my children, I think I will be a better mother because of this experience. (Oh, and I'm jealous that you get off at 3 and have summers off! I think that is a blessing in and of itself.)
As far as your calling, it will teach you to rely on the Lord more. I was called as RS Prez when I was going to school full time and working full time. It was humbling. When I graduated I thought my troubles were over and life would be so much easier. Less than a month later we found out we were pregnant. I had morning sickness the hole time, continued to work full time up until the day the baby came, and still was able to fulfill my calling. I know I didn't do it on my own. He knows your situation, your heartaches and your desires. Rely on Him and He will bless you and provide a way for you to accomplish all that is placed on you.
I think the really great thing is that you like your job and you feel like you are good at it. As everyone has said your hours are GREAT and to tell you the truth I'd bet (I don't know) around 40-50% of households in Utah need 2 incomes. It's just rough right now! Be so grateful you have a job that you like! You are growing in your profession! You'll be less stressed with money. You're following the prophet by getting out of debt and securing yourself financially. You've got to do what you've got to do right now. If you need to mourn, go ahead, but don't feel guilty about this! Just be grateful, many women face this dilemna with hardly any skills in place. You are both a mother and a teacher!
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